Audio: "Reunion"

Canny moviegoers will notice that I named the mother and father in this story after Ms. Page and Mr. Cera, respectively, who played similar roles in the 2007 Academy Award-winning movie Juno (Best Original Screenplay by Diablo Cody).

Music: background stems from "You Ruined Everything" by Jonathan Coulton, licensed under Creative Commons.

And So's Your Mom

I've always been more into DC Comics than Marvel. I'm a big Superman fan, and I'm still a sucker for those larger-than-life mythic archetypes.

The one thing I could never get behind was the mutant "X-gene" in the Marvel universe. I can accept that there are dormant portions of the human genome, but the same gene expressing randomly as any one of a practically infinite set of superpowers is just a little too hand-wavy and magical for me.

You know what I'm going to say, don't you? That's right: Insufficiently rigorous. I have the same problem with Heroes. I like the fact that there's family history between the characters, but I don't like people who are closely related having completely different and unrelated abilities. Part of the problem is that nobody ever bothers to explain how these abilities actually work.

But I digress. This discussion is out of scope for the story at hand anyway. I wasn't able to pack all the exposition I wanted into this week's 512 words, but I hope it still makes sense.

Another Weekly Writer

Via Neil Gaiman on Twitter: For $25, you can subscribe to PETER S. BEAGLE'S 52/50 PROJECT and receive, by email, "A Brand-New Poem or Song Lyric Every Week for a Year[!]"

In case you need your memory jogged, Mr. Beagle is the author of The Last Unicorn. He just celebrated his 70th birthday on April 20th--the same date he started his 52/50 Project--and I think it's great that he's still writing and finding new ways to reach out to readers.

(Trivia: Before I started 512 Words or Fewer, I considered naming it "CKL's Weekly Reader," for symmetry with my blog, CKL's HotSheet, and as a tribute to the fine Scholastic publication which enriched my younger school days. In the end, I decided a more unique title would be better for branding and search-indexing.)

Audio: Strange Love Episode 99 - Afterhours at BarCampPortland with Cami Kaos

And now for something completely different...

I was a guest on Friday night's Strange Love - Afterhours, recorded live at BarCampPortland:



The literal fireworks (which you can see on the video) start at 5:24, and I start shooting off my mouth at 6:00.

Things I would have said if I had been more on the ball:

"No, my screenplay, Sweet Valley Heist, has nothing to do with the Sweet Valley High book series. But that could also be an interesting story--how would the girls from SVH knock over a bank?"

"Yes, I've taken several voice acting classes. A great voice is no good if you don't know how to use it. Did you know that James Earl Jones used to stutter? It's true. He worked hard to get that CNN gig."

This is why I'm a writer, not an improv actor.

Thanks to Cami Kaos, Doctor Normal, and the rest of the Strange Love Live crew for putting this together!

"First of May"

FIRST OF MAY
By Curtis C. Chen

(Screenplay purists can read a properly formatted PDF instead)

INT. DAVE'S CUBICLE - DAYTIME

Dave is on his computer, TYPING AWAY MADLY. He sure LOOKS busy, even if he is HACKING instead of doing actual work.

Dave imagines he's INSIDE THE COMPUTER:

INT. DREAM COMPUTER LANDSCAPE - CONTINUOUS

It's the METAVERSE from Snow Crash: BLACK SKY, all kinds of CRAZY BUILDINGS that couldn't exist in reality, and NEON LIGHT PULSES whizzing along giant circuit traces.

Dave walks down the street in GLOWING BODY ARMOR, two SAMURAI SWORDS strapped across his back. The crowds part to make way for him.

He approaches a short, squat, industrial building. The sign on it says MAIL EXCHANGE. We can see uniformed postal workers inside, sorting envelopes at superhuman speeds.

A big, burly GUARD avatar in a blue uniform stands outside the building entrance.

GUARD
Username and password?

DAVE
(Jedi mind trick)
You don't need my username and password.

The Guard steps forward and LOOMS over him.

GUARD
Actually, I do.

DAVE
(unworried)
Hmm.

In a SINGLE, SMOOTH MOTION, Dave draws one of his swords and SLASHES it across the Guard's torso. The sword passes through the Guard as if he wasn't even there, leaving just A GLOWING LINE which fades quickly.

DAVE
(admiring)
Nice trick.

He steps back and SCRATCHES HIS CHIN, thinking.

INT. DAVE'S CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS

Dave leans back in his chair, SCRATCHING HIS CHIN.

He hears VOICES AND LAUGHTER nearby. He stands up, looks over his cube wall, and sees a gaggle of MALE ENGINEERS walking with new hire CHELSEA into the elevator.

Chelsea notices Dave and WAVES at him. She is DEVASTATINGLY CUTE. He waves back and smiles weakly. The ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE.

Dave sighs, sits down, and starts TYPING even more FORCEFULLY than before.

INT. DREAM COMPUTER LANDSCAPE - CONTINUOUS

Still outside the Mail Exchange, Dave's avatar assembles some kind of MACHINE from parts that appear in thin air. The Guard watches impassively.

GUARD
You can still call this off, you know.

Dave looks at him, SURPRISED.

GUARD
That's right, Dave, I'm talking to you.

DAVE
Seriously? You're my Jiminy Cricket?

GUARD
You haven't done anything wrong yet. You can still walk away.

DAVE
I hacked PERF.

GUARD
That was just to satisfy your curiosity. This is conspiracy to commit a Class A Felony. 25 to life if convicted.

DAVE
Come on, I do not watch that much Law & Order!

GUARD
(shrugs)
I'm just the mouthpiece.

Dave finishes assembling his machine. It's a ROCKET LAUNCHER. He shoulders it and takes a step backward.

DAVE
Well, I'm done talking.

He FIRES the rocket launcher. A BALL OF LIGHT streaks towards the Guard and SHATTERS him into A MILLION PIECES, which fall to the ground in a neat little PILE.

Dave TOSSES the rocket launcher aside. It DISAPPEARS back into the void. He steps around the pile of Guard-pieces and ENTERS the Mail Exchange.

INT. DAVE'S CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS

Dave SMILES as a new window opens on his monitor, showing every single internal mailing list and giving him FULL ACCESS to all of them.

DAVE
Yes, I would like to receive your newsletter.

Audio: "First of May"

Yes, obviously the title of this story has nothing to do with its actual content. But, given today's date, how could I call it anything else and still claim to be a JoCo fan?

Music: "First of May" by Jonathan Coulton, licensed under Creative Commons.

Bits and Pieces (Get it? BITS?)

Okay, I admit I'm cheating this week, and on more than one level. "First of May" is actually an excerpt from my Script Frenzy screenplay, Sweet Valley Heist (137 pages of crappy first draft), and it's not really science fiction. But how else are you going to make computer hacking look interesting on screen, without resorting to totally fake GUIs that make actual hackers laugh out loud?

Having said that, Robert Longo's movie adaptation of William Gibson's Johnny Mnemonic actually includes a pretty cool depiction of how a futuristic "cyberspace" environment might operate. I especially like the puzzle-lock authentication used in lieu of a password string:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CaxYF56jY

For my screenplay, I decided to go the TRON/Matrix route of using human avatars to represent computer programs, because it dovetails nicely with my protagonist's inclination to daydream about the people in his life, Walter Mitty-style.

Dave's brief encounter with Chelsea is a much longer conversation in the full script, but I think I mananged to capture the spirit of their interaction here. Does Dave want the money more than he wants the girl? And how much is he willing to risk, personally and professionally, for either one?

How Do You Say "Robot Overlords" in French?

My good friend Jeff has translated my short story "Better" into French for a class he's taking. Read "Amélioré" now!

Here are Jeff's notes on the translation:

I had a bit of trouble deciding on the title, I'm still not decidé... "Amélioré" means "improved". There's also "Meiux", which is the simple translation of "better", like "the better quality stories come from Curtis". But I think your title refers to the process of making soldiers better, i.e. improved soldiers. So I chose amélioré.

I also did not reproduce the spelling in destroy all machines. I think what you are trying to show is the passage of time, which has eroded/changed the words.

The reason why I didn't do it in French is that the effect does not really translate to French well. French is a language with one true way to spell words. It is not clear how to reflect the passage of time on French words -- at least to someone with such a tenuous grasp of the language. My teacher agreed that she couldn't think of a way to handle it. One nice thing is that the French word for "old things" is ancien, which is the same as the French word for "ancient". So in French there is, by design of the language, the possibility that we are talking about really really old words, not just the old words from the uncle.

To make up for it a bit, I did choose the harshest, most violent version of "destroy" available in French, a word I'd never heard before. My teacher said it was a really good fit. (anéantir = to lay waste to (a town), to shatter (a dream))

Thanks, Jeff!

I don't speak French, but if someone out there would like to record an audio version of Jeff's translation, I'd love to hear it.