20 January 2012

"H is for Horse"

By Curtis C. Chen

Dear Exhibitor:

Welcome to the 83rd annual Horse-Shaped Objects Exposition (H-SOE)! The International Association of Horse-Shaped Object Enthusiasts (IAH-SOE) is very excited to be hosting this year's event in a new venue, the brand-new Simonsays Memorial Horse-Shaped Arena (SMH-SA) in Fortland, Uregon.

IMPORTANT: If you are a returning exhibitor, please make sure your shipping company has the correct venue address and current transport licenses for all your Objects. The Uregon customs inspection service operates under much stricter import regulations than most of the forty-seven other continental United States, and recent events in the city of Fortland have made local law enforcement very sensitive to any unusual Objects. (Please refer to our web site for guidelines on how to pack your fragile Objects for shipment.)

As always, the IAH-SOE strives to organize a peaceful and loving event for all H-SOE exhibitors, dealers, panelists, sponsors, and participants. We have received feedback from many past attendees about space issues at our previous venues, and we hope the move to SMH-SA will alleviate a great number of those problems for many years to come.

IF YOU ARE A DEALER, the marketplace will be open starting at 6:00 PM the night before H-SOE begins to allow you to set up your table. Please consult the enclosed brochure from SMH-SA to determine what supplies you are allowed to bring into the arena.

IF YOU ARE A NON-PROFIT, the display hall will be open starting at 12 NOON the day before H-SOE begins to allow you to set up your booth. Please consult the enclosed brochure from SMH-SA to determine what baptismal equipment you are allowed to bring into the arena.

IMPORTANT: All non-alcoholic liquids are banned in the city of Fortland. However, SMH-SA offers a variety of pharmacological aids to maximize hydration and minimize intoxication. Visit any of the "Liquidation Stations" located throughout the arena for complimentary lozenges or tinctures. (If you are unable to ingest medications orally, please visit SMH-SA's basement dispensary to receive a hypodermic or suppository sirup, also free of charge.)

Your enclosed exhibitor badge is required for admittance to all H-SOE event areas. Please wear it whenever you are inside the SMH-SA security perimeter. Do not laminate your badge or place it inside any protective covering, and make sure the fix-shaped metagraphic seal is clearly visible at all times. If the arena's automated scanners cannot read your badge data, security forces may be paged to your location.

If you have any questions about H-SOE, SMH-SA, or anything else related to IAH-SOE events, please contact Sister Judy Phileman. (If you have inquiries regarding revenues or taxation, please contact Sister Octavia Caesar. All other correspondence should be sent to our principal shrine in Jer-Salem, Ohio.)

We look forward to seeing you in Fortland! And remember:

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." (Matt 18:20)

Yours in Horse,
Brother Jonn Timoth


Image: Matchless Beauty by kelsey_lovefusionphoto, June, 2010