"First of May"

FIRST OF MAY
By Curtis C. Chen

(Screenplay purists can read a properly formatted PDF instead)

INT. DAVE'S CUBICLE - DAYTIME

Dave is on his computer, TYPING AWAY MADLY. He sure LOOKS busy, even if he is HACKING instead of doing actual work.

Dave imagines he's INSIDE THE COMPUTER:

INT. DREAM COMPUTER LANDSCAPE - CONTINUOUS

It's the METAVERSE from Snow Crash: BLACK SKY, all kinds of CRAZY BUILDINGS that couldn't exist in reality, and NEON LIGHT PULSES whizzing along giant circuit traces.

Dave walks down the street in GLOWING BODY ARMOR, two SAMURAI SWORDS strapped across his back. The crowds part to make way for him.

He approaches a short, squat, industrial building. The sign on it says MAIL EXCHANGE. We can see uniformed postal workers inside, sorting envelopes at superhuman speeds.

A big, burly GUARD avatar in a blue uniform stands outside the building entrance.

GUARD
Username and password?

DAVE
(Jedi mind trick)
You don't need my username and password.

The Guard steps forward and LOOMS over him.

GUARD
Actually, I do.

DAVE
(unworried)
Hmm.

In a SINGLE, SMOOTH MOTION, Dave draws one of his swords and SLASHES it across the Guard's torso. The sword passes through the Guard as if he wasn't even there, leaving just A GLOWING LINE which fades quickly.

DAVE
(admiring)
Nice trick.

He steps back and SCRATCHES HIS CHIN, thinking.

INT. DAVE'S CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS

Dave leans back in his chair, SCRATCHING HIS CHIN.

He hears VOICES AND LAUGHTER nearby. He stands up, looks over his cube wall, and sees a gaggle of MALE ENGINEERS walking with new hire CHELSEA into the elevator.

Chelsea notices Dave and WAVES at him. She is DEVASTATINGLY CUTE. He waves back and smiles weakly. The ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE.

Dave sighs, sits down, and starts TYPING even more FORCEFULLY than before.

INT. DREAM COMPUTER LANDSCAPE - CONTINUOUS

Still outside the Mail Exchange, Dave's avatar assembles some kind of MACHINE from parts that appear in thin air. The Guard watches impassively.

GUARD
You can still call this off, you know.

Dave looks at him, SURPRISED.

GUARD
That's right, Dave, I'm talking to you.

DAVE
Seriously? You're my Jiminy Cricket?

GUARD
You haven't done anything wrong yet. You can still walk away.

DAVE
I hacked PERF.

GUARD
That was just to satisfy your curiosity. This is conspiracy to commit a Class A Felony. 25 to life if convicted.

DAVE
Come on, I do not watch that much Law & Order!

GUARD
(shrugs)
I'm just the mouthpiece.

Dave finishes assembling his machine. It's a ROCKET LAUNCHER. He shoulders it and takes a step backward.

DAVE
Well, I'm done talking.

He FIRES the rocket launcher. A BALL OF LIGHT streaks towards the Guard and SHATTERS him into A MILLION PIECES, which fall to the ground in a neat little PILE.

Dave TOSSES the rocket launcher aside. It DISAPPEARS back into the void. He steps around the pile of Guard-pieces and ENTERS the Mail Exchange.

INT. DAVE'S CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS

Dave SMILES as a new window opens on his monitor, showing every single internal mailing list and giving him FULL ACCESS to all of them.

DAVE
Yes, I would like to receive your newsletter.