I'm Super, Thanks For Asking

My friend Gray recently turned me on to the Superuseless Superpowers blog. It's quite amusing, and is very much in the same spirit as my spec superhero comedy pilot, "Apartment of Champions" (D hates the title). What do you do when your superpower is nearly useless--and the world is already full of superheroes?

I had some trouble generating a story this week, so I went to my VPXII classmate Jeannie's Plot-O-Matik and got some inspiration. After I came up with the names for my hero and villain, the rest fell into place more easily.

And lest you think "The Spoiler" is a name which would not strike fear into the hearts of evildoers, I refer you to writer Mark Evanier:

Murder...arson...mass genocide...these are all ghastly crimes. But to my pal Bob, they are misdemeanors compared to the felony of giving away the ending to a movie. Bob loves movies but he hates nothing more in this world than to have the denouement of a film tipped to him in advance.

-- "POV: Movie Endings"

The Lateness of the Hour

Just a quick note to let you know this week's installment will be posted later than usual. Normally, I finish writing, recording, and editing sometime on Thursday night and schedule the posts for publication just after midnight on Friday, so you can enjoy some flash fiction first thing in the morning. Tonight, however, D and I are going to have dinner with our friend Acorn, who's in town for a conference and leaving early tomorrow morning. I haven't finished writing this week's story yet, so I won't record my audio until tomorrow, and I will delay posting the text until everything's done. But it will be done sometime Friday (Pacific Time). Thanks for your patience.

Meanwhile: Identify the correct pop culture reference for the title of this post, and win a prize!

John Scalzi Shows You His Shorts

For a change of pace, how about a taste of someone else's flash fiction?

Here's John Scalzi reading his short story "Missives from Possible Futures #1: Alternate History Search Results" (originally published at Subterranean Press in 2007), last night in San Francisco:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFSvOodh5rk

He also promises to post audio recordings of the entire event online "at some point in the near future." Copycat.

(If you're unfamiliar with Scalzi's work, check out his Old Man's War novels. He's also just been hired to be a Creative Consultant for Stargate Universe, which increases my current interest in the series from "approximately zero" to "definitely greater than zero.")

"The Coronation Will Not Be Televised"

THE CORONATION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED
By Curtis C. Chen

"Did you see the size of that one?" Jonah swatted away another insect. "What are these things?"

"Flay beetles," Richard said, walking through the swarm. The bugs seemed to move aside for him.

"'Flay?' As in 'strip off the skin of?'"

"It's just a name."

They had landed miles off target. Richard's fighters had sacrificed themselves so the prince's transport could make planetfall, but the Guard vessels remained in orbit, and the rebels who supported Richard's claim to the throne were still three days away.

Richard had assured Jonah that he knew the way through the jungle. They made quite a pair: Richard with his bronze skin and regal bearing, as self-assured as always; and Jonah, his pale face and white hair darkened by a layer of sweat, dust, and fear.

"Tell me again what we're searching for, milord?"

Richard smiled over his shoulder. "I haven't told you once. But we're here."

The jungle ended at the edge of a hill. Ruins filled the clearing below. A faded mosaic, showing the six-pointed royal star, was barely visible through the weeds.

Jonah sighed and watched Richard dash down the hill and into the remains of the throne room. He caught up with the prince at the dais, where Richard stood by the crumbling, vine-covered chairs.

"It's been a long time," Richard said quietly.

"Not long now," Jonah said, raising his arm.

Richard turned and stared down the barrel of Jonah's pistol.

"And what was your price?" Richard asked.

Jonah spit on the floor. "Loyalty can't be bought."

The prince nodded. "Will you allow me a final luxury?"

"Move slowly."

Richard extracted a dented tin and small blowtorch from his pouch. He put a cigarette between his lips and clicked the torch. It made a puffing noise, but no flame.

"Too bad," Jonah said.

"Please," Richard said, "let me try something else."

His hand shot down to his waist and came up holding a dagger. Jonah pulled the trigger on his pistol at the same time that Richard threw his dagger. The pistol failed. The knife didn't.

Jonah fell backwards. Richard jumped down from the dais. He pulled the dagger from Jonah's chest and drew it across the old man's throat. Then Richard wiped his blade and put it away.

A Guard gunboat rumbled into view above. Richard barely had time to stand before they fired.

The laser beam illuminated a circle on Richard's chest, but did not burn him. Nothing burned in Kansata's throne room. The damping stones in its walls prevented any combustion within a certain radius. Richard couldn't remember the precise distance, but he had guessed the dais would be included.

He opened his pocketwatch and held it up, reflecting the laser back. The gunboat's stealth-black hull absorbed the energy of its own weapon. Richard angled his watch-mirror and sliced through a turbine. The gunboat banked away.

Richard waited until he heard the crash. Then he opened Jonah's pack. The next three days would be even more challenging if he couldn't fashion some better weapons.

Audio: "The Coronation Will Not Be Televised"

http://512words.blogspot.com

Music: "Jungle Tracking" by pingnews, licensed under Creative Commons from ccMixter.

Again, apologies for the poor audio quality--my laptop's still in the shop for repairs. They've ordered replacement parts from Lenovo, and I'm hoping I'll have it back early next week. Fingers crossed.

I have started standing up to record my readings, because I find it gives me more energy. I feel more like I'm performing when I'm standing. I don't know why I sound so nasal this week, but I'm working on that, too.

Obamania!

I know, I know... you liked this story better the first time, when it was called "Firepower." And yes, I am aware that Kansata is a real place in Senegal.

In the past few weeks, I've seen more than one editorial cartoon calling next week's inauguration a "coronation." I think that's pretty silly. But I have to admit, monarchies do make for much better intrigues than democracies. Remember the riveting constitutional crisis which heated up the second act of Air Force One? I rest my case.

D and I also just finished re-watching all of Firefly; I suspect that's the root of the sudden but inevitable betrayal in this week's tale. I would also have killed off a beloved character in whom you had invested a great deal of emotion, but I'd already hit my 512-word limit.

I am hopeful that the next four years in America will be better than the last eight have been. But I'm not unreasonably so. In any case, I don't think Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert need to worry about their job security.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Obamania

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

"Bachelor of Science"

BACHELOR OF SCIENCE
By Curtis C. Chen

"Brandon, can I see you in my office?"

Brandon sighed and locked his computer before standing up. The other engineers on the third floor were always eager to prank someone who hadn't properly secured his workstation.

He followed his new manager down the hall casually--without delay, but not too fast, lest anybody think he actually wanted to talk to David, who kept telling everyone to call him "Dave," as if that would make him seem like more of a pal.

David had sat down at his desk and was typing. He nodded at Brandon as he walked in.

"One second," said David. "Would you mind closing the door?"

Brandon turned around. The engineer sitting across the hall raised his hand and made a slicing motion across his throat. Brandon held up one finger and closed the door.

"Thanks," David said as Brandon sat down. "Don't worry, it's nothing bad, I just wanted to discuss a personal matter." He faked a smile, as if that would ease Brandon's concerns. "HR says you've worked here for six years, but only been promoted once. Why is that?"

Brandon rolled his eyes. "I like my job."

"Someone with your talents could have a more interesting career."

"Writing kernel code for cell phones?"

David smiled, and it was the first genuine emotion that Brandon had seen on his face. "No. I'm talking about what you can do with your mind. Your powers of persuasion."

Brandon shot to his feet, knocking his chair over, and backed into the office door.

"We don't have a name for it," David said, standing up and walking around his desk. "It's not 'telepathy,' and 'mind control' is inaccurate and cheesy."

Brandon closed his fingers around the door handle. He stared at David and concentrated.

"See, I know what you're doing." David folded his arms and leaned against the wall. "You can influence people, and right now you're trying to make me forget. It's not going to work, because I have the same power--and I've been trained."

Brandon gritted his teeth. "What do you want?"

"I'm here to recruit you."

"For what? Some government bullshit? Not interested."

David laughed. "Well, we can do this the easy way--"

He gasped and fell to his knees. Brandon ran over and caught David before he did a face plant onto the carpet.

"Here's the thing," Brandon said. "I have more than one superpower. I'm guessing you don't, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to stop your heart." He lowered David to the floor and made a show of checking his pulse. "Sorry, but I'm sure you would have killed me, or worse. And I need the head start."

He jumped up, threw open the door, and yelled, "Somebody call 911!"

People swarmed out of their cubicles. Brandon asked where he could find a first aid kit, knowing full well that the closest one was with the receptionist on the first floor. He grabbed his backpack and ran for the stairs. He didn't know when he would be able to stop running.

Audio: "Bachelor of Science"

http://512words.blogspot.com

Music: "43 After Nine" by yurigara, licensed under Creative Commons from ccMixter.

Apologies for the poor audio quality this week. My laptop died Wednesday morning, and I had to go back to using my 12-year-old Dell desktop for recording. It's a bit slow at times, but still ticking. Knock on wood.