05 April 2013
BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME
By Curtis C. Chen
Dear Costumed Adventurer:
Thank you very much for submitting your application to shift home realities from Universe Ganymede.XII.52.0 to Universe Hupperts.XCVII.10.3! We regret that we cannot accommodate your relocation request at this time.
As you know, the Transcendental Oversight Office of Parallel Existences, Multiple Dimensions, and Alternate Histories receives hundreds of thousands of relocation applications every single month. This unfortunately prevents us from providing specific feedback on your particular application.
However, please check these important details first:
- Your application must include unique and proper identifiers for both your home reality and your requested relocation target (we prefer nominal signifier, timeline branch era lettering, retcon sequence number, and descant decimal).
- Your application must include your personal name, correctly spelled, capitalized, and punctuated. Due to the cosmological congruence constant, many creatures in one reality may share the same name, so please make sure to include other unique identifying information, such as your home planet, mother's shoe size, and favorite ice cream flavor.
- We cannot approve relocation requests which would result in an intra-universe talent conflict. Please verify that your particular preternatural ability combination, specialized training or skill set, and/or wardrobe color designs do not already exist in your target reality. Many public resources are available to help you perform this research.
- If our Superposition Quantum Uncertainty Interference Detection System (S.Q.U.I.D.S.) determines that you have an established nemesis in your home reality, and that you and your nemesis have unfinished business of a professional or personal nature, we cannot allow one of you to relocate to a new reality without the other. Please file a joint application using the current forms provided on our Weird Wide Web site.
- If you are under the age of majority in your home jurisdiction, you must obtain the legal signature of a parent or guardian before we can process your application.
Thank you for your interest in alternate realities! We encourage you to re-apply for relocation in the future, especially if environmental or social conditions in your home reality continue to interfere with your inexorable compulsion to fight crime, avenge your dearly departed loved ones, and/or put right what once went wrong.
Merton V'X'Wanwo Adagamps
Photo Credit: TempusVolat via Compfight cc