tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263012878402077039.post4426406256474402551..comments2017-08-14T18:44:04.281-07:00Comments on 512 Words or Fewer: "Mutiny"CKLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05813803474788808773noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263012878402077039.post-73415441107740543482009-08-16T13:06:54.505-07:002009-08-16T13:06:54.505-07:00No, it's probably the story that's missing...No, it's probably the story that's missing something. You're right about Jose needing more depth. I started writing this as a con job, but didn't have enough room to explain all the mechanics...CKLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05813803474788808773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263012878402077039.post-54578035128670467722009-08-16T04:15:07.874-07:002009-08-16T04:15:07.874-07:00Hmmm.. don't love this one, but I may be missi...Hmmm.. don't love this one, but I may be missing something.<br /><br />* Don't love the repeated telegraph of Jose's dislike for his master. Not only did that waste words, it felt one-dimensional. There's no doubt, sadness, moral failure in his hatred?<br /><br />* Not clear why Jose hangs out. Doesn't have to be spelled out for us but more context gives us more emotional response when we read about Jose's actions.<br /><br />* Jose's gloating over his master in the end is the flip of the one-dimensional anger with equally less color.<br /><br />Again, I'm probably missing something.LChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11041525871239371612noreply@blogger.com